It's Not Okay
by rosie4299
Summary: Some needed filler for 6.17. Rory said it was okay, but was it really?


**An Author's Random Disgruntled Displaced Rambles**- So, this is a fic that has been lodged in my head since I first watched Episode 6.17, "I'm Okay, You're Okay." I suppose it's a Rogan, even though every fiber of my Trory-fied being is screaming not to call it that. But as we all know, our dear Miss Rory didn't really forgive Logan when he begged her to. Otherwise, she'd not have treated him so badly. And while some of us (Me included) did nothing but snicker and giggle when she was mean to him, I know that there were a few of you out there that didn't appreciate it. I want to preface the reading of this to say, that this is not a happy, fluffy, I forgive you fic. I don't write those. Not for Rogan. I just can't do it. I'll never do it. But anyway, I wrote this fic tonight to sort of fill in the Rory mindspace a little, since I feel like she never really tells anyone what she's feeling and lets everything fester inside of her.

A great deal of thanks go out to the FABULOUS Ames, who betaed this for me tonight, even though she's feeling crappy, and also for reminding me not to be mean to her hubby, even though he slept with a lot of girls on the off season. Sigh. What can you do? Also, to thepeople over at TwizTV, who keep great transcripts, and helped me to keep this scene completely accurate.

So, without further ado, my new story!

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**It's (NOT) Okay** **

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"Two minutes. Go."

Rory looked at Logan expectantly, waiting for him to explain how he could have betrayed her like this. It would definitely be a barrel of laughs, since there was no way he could dig himself out of the hole he'd made for himself.

She couldn't even look at him now that she knew. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have taken him back? She couldn't believe that she'd given him another chance, when he'd proven more than once just how much he didn't deserve it.

"Look, I understand that you're upset, and I really wish you hadn't found out like that, but Rory, I love you. You know I love you. When I said that I was your boyfriend, I agreed to be faithful to you, which, by the way, was a first for me, and I thought that it was going to be hard. But it wasn't. Then I asked you to move in with me. I asked you to move in with me, and I thought that was going to be hard, but it wasn't. I have been completely faithful to you, Rory. I have not been with another girl. I have not looked at another girl! I haven't thought about another girl!"

He sounded so sincere. But he'd always sounded sincere when he waxed poetic, when he told her that she was perfect for him, when he kissed her and held her like she was the only one.

And just a few hours ago, he'd proven the exact opposite to her.

"Except Walker, Alexandra-," she hurled at him, only to be interrupted when she finally turned to him, looking at him for the first time since this had started.

"We were broken up, Rory."

"No! You were broken up!" She exclaimed. Broken up? Like that's really an excuse to go and sleep with everything and anything that moved. She hadn't gone back to Stars Hollow and slept with the Hockey team or gone searching for Dean or Jess or anyone else that had ever displayed even a mild interest in her.

"I thought we were broken up. I thought that was what the fight was. I thought that's what the separation was. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I honestly thought we weren't together?" He really did look desperate. He really did look sad and pathetic. But could she ever look at him the same? Could she really forgive this?

"I guess." But did she really? Did she really believe him?

"So if you believe that, that I thought we weren't together, then do you believe that in my mind I was not cheating on you?"

He may not have been cheating on her in his mind, but did he give a damn about whether or not he was cheating in hers? He looked desperate, but what guy wouldn't in this kind of situation? What guy wouldn't use every rationale and mediation tactic in the book to fix what he'd broken so badly?

"I guess." She said resignedly, not really sure of what to do. Sure, she loved him, but was it enough to forgive such a slimy betrayal of her trust? She'd already forgiven him for treating Jess so badly and for hurting her back in November. Just how much was she expected to forgive?

"So then if you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you, do you think you can forget what those vipers said today? Put it behind you and just come home with me? Come on, Rory. Just come home with me. Let's forget this crappy day ever happened and go home!" She hesitated; her emotions conflicting with her head and all the years of girl power and solidarity, and her heart had no idea what to do. "Do you want to make a pro/con list?"

That snapped her back into the gravity of the situation for a second. "Do not mock my pro/con lists!" she said sharply.

"I am not mocking your pro/con lists. I actually think the list will come out in my favor!"

Of course he thought it would come out in his favor. He always thought that everything should come out in his favor, no matter what he did or said, or what anyone else thought or felt.

She was so tired of this. Of fighting with everyone. She'd lost so much time with her mother because she'd made a stupid mistake and couldn't admit it to herself. She and Logan had lost months because of it too, because when she'd finally opened her eyes and saw just what she had turned into, he'd taken it all so badly. He'd acted as though she was blaming him, and really Rory was blaming herself for losing all the parts that made her the person she was, the person she liked. "Well," she sighed, exhausted of all the arguing, of fighting so hard to keep everything as normal as she could. Nothing was normal. "I'd have to tell Paris that I'm going."

She could see the relief wash over him like a tidal wave. "Absolutely. Tell Paris you're going." Was she really going? Was she really forgiving him for everything that he'd done to her? Was she really turning around, getting ready to tell Paris that she was giving in and going back to the man who'd just humiliated her in front of people she didn't know and who knew him better than she did?

Oh. God.

She shut the door just as soon as she'd opened it. A flash of a pasty backside was more than enough for her to decide that she was not going to be able to stay in that apartment for the night. And she definitely did not want to spend it out in the hall either, to be raped or jumped, not that she had anything to steal. She'd left her purse inside, Doyle still had her coat, and she had a sinking feeling that Logan had caught hold of her dignity the second that he'd snuck past Paris.

"Woah!" she cried out, slightly traumatized. "Oops."

"What?" Logan asked, concerned.

"They made up. Either that, or Krav Maga is way kinkier than I thought it was." She wasn't sure what she hoped it was, but whatever the answer ended up to be, she'd never be able to get that visual out of her head.

"You can tell her tomorrow. After all, it is tomorrow." He said, hopeful.

"Yeah. Yeah, I can just call her from… home." Even as she said the last word, she wasn't sure if she believed it herself. Could she really make a home with this man? The one who'd told her he loved her and that he'd never been with anyone like her, who waxed poetic but never really expunged the philandering party boy he once was, from just underneath the surface?

"Are we okay?" Logan asked her as she walked past him.

Were they okay? Would they ever be okay? Was lying to her okay? Was keeping the truth from her okay? She knew in her gut that if he'd never been caught, then Logan never, ever would have told her about the other girls.

And why did he need other girls? To forget her? To wipe her from his memory? Was it that easy for him? Was that what he was going to do each and every time that they had an argument or a disagreement? Did she always have to be on her guard, waiting for the next time that they broke up or had an argument, when he decided that it was so much easier to get drunk and party it up with a bunch of plastic Barbie bimbos?

Was that okay?

Hesitantly, she turned to him. "Yeah," she said, her voice sounding unsure, even to herself. He didn't seem to notice though, and he put his arm around her, and together they left, going back to his apartment to begin the whole process of forgetting and repressing.

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So, what'd you think? 

Let me know!

Review!


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